Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

Remember how, long ago, I mentioned I'd discovered what the term "meatus" means, and subsequently what part of the body it refers to? Well, today Mel gave me the chance to use it in a sentence. I'm very afraid now. It's just one of those words that's both funny and disturbing to hear used in a conversation (at least one not between doctors) , and only if you know what it means. I feel as if I've just violated some sort of English language law or something.

Mel would like to add here: "Wimp."

And on a somewhat related subject, a few nights ago Mel & I took up the task of cleaning up our large storage closet. For the past year it's epic space has been home to a lot of empty, uncollapsed boxes. It took us a few hours, but now there is definitely more room, and our front hall is now significantly uncluttered.

Now protocol required we clean up the uppermost shelves in this closet, the shelves that are high enough for even me to want to use a stepladder. As we were pushing a few re-organized boxes back up onto the top shelf, one box caught on something. I found this rather peculiar and hopped onto the stepladder to see what had been hiding up there.

Imagine my surprise when I pulled down a 2002 issue of a local swinger's magazine! I understand that swingers need specialized magazines to read too, but this was really a case of too much information. I don't want to know that guy who lived in the apartment before us was seeing if there were any girls or guys up for wife-swapping or a menage. I really don't. It makes me fear the reason our walls were repainted before Mel & I moved in. Or why the kitchen counter was replaced beforehand too, though this may explain how that enormous crack in the counter got there.

He also had, we discovered courtesy of some invoices left in the magazine, a lot of medical expenses in 2002 as well. I can only hope they weren't swinger-related....

Today's Lesson: apparently you are a wimp if you can't use "meatus" in a regular sentence without feeling like you've molested the English language somehow.
posted by Phillip at 4:00 PM

 

It sounds almost like something out of a deranged version of Grand Theft Auto, but here you have it:


British motorist injured by flying frozen sausage

LONDON (AP) - A British motorist, driving home from work with his car window wound down, had his nose broken by a flying frozen sausage, an official said Monday.

The 46-year-old man was driving near his home in South Woodham Ferrers, Essex, east of London, when the sausage came through the window and hit him on the nose, a spokesman for the Essex Ambulance Service said on condition of anonymity.

"The man said he was making his way home after work and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon," the ambulance spokesman said.

"He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose.

"His nose was undoubtedly fractured and he had lost quite a lot of blood.

"It must have been an incredibly lucky, or unlucky, shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before."

Essex police said they were investigating the incident.

The link's here: http://healthandfitness.sympatico.msn.ca/News/ContentPosting.aspx?
contentid=8df327f6a7634975b6d181a8d2ecef16&show=False&number=0&showbyline=
False&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc


In other news, apparently I lied about yesterday's "details at eleven." There are no other details. It's not even eleven. But rest assured that Mel celebrated her newfound landed status by, the instant it was official and we were back in the car, making so many usages of the word "bitch" that I could have sworn she was Eric Cartman singing about Kyle's Mom. Not to mention she also added some colourful new vocabulary I've never heard her utter before.

Though in all honesty, Mel deserved her moment to rant, and that female Customs Officer at the Niagra Rainbow Bridge border was in dire need of having the sequoia surgically removed from her ass, or getting injected with a good dose of valium.

Chest stubble status: not very itchy. It's also not growing back very fast.
posted by Phillip at 8:50 AM

 

Mel is now an officially landed immigrant of Canada. And to celebrate, the first words to come out of her mouth upon landing were an impressive string of vulgarities that left me quite shocked and amazed. Ah, customs officials: could you people be any crankier if you tried? (On the other hand, ah, immigration officials: could you people have been any nicer?)

And I managed to survive my first day as manager without the store burning down or me curling up in a little ball, rocking in a corner and sucking my thumb. I'm almost disappointed. Maybe today. You never know.

Today's Lesson: cats may make for good alarm clocks, but I'd still rather have an alarm to turn off rather than a cat letting his fully body weight land on my liver.
posted by Phillip at 5:42 AM